CAN I BE ALONE WITH RIHANNA IN ONE ROOM?
Updated: Jul 4, 2022
New research from LeanIn.org and SurveyMonkey indicates that the number of men uncomfortable mentoring women is growing. A whopping 60% of male managers now say they are uncomfortable participating in common, job-related activities with women, such as mentoring, working alone together or socializing together. Since men still run most of our corporations, the ability to network with men is critical for career success. But, how can women expect to find a mentor, when senior men won’t even meet alone with them? [FORBES]
60% Of Male Managers Are Uncomfortable In Job-Related Activities With Women
OUR TAKE: Is the picture from Rihanna an example of sexism? And if so, why? And if you answer the why, can you be as detailed as possible. Is the man who refuses to mentor a woman, a modern, #MeToo-approved man, or just a coward who seeks the easy way out? Who defines an appropriate relationship at work? And how much can you deviate from those norms based on mutual consensus?
What is a powerful person? What is an uncomfortable situation? What is transgressive behavior? What is uncomfortable for one person is not uncomfortable for another. And is transgressive behavior only applicable to sexual-oriented situations? And why is that? Is any conversation about sex between men and women at work inappropriate? What is an inappropriate conversation between men? If two women at work talk about sexual adventures and a third woman overhear the conversation. It makes her feel uncomfortable. Does it matter if one of the women is a powerful person?
The basic problem is that we talk about these topics in a very general, vague way so that you never really know what has been going on. The great failure of the #MeToo Movement, feminism, women & men, in general, is that we seem to be shy to talk about sex candidly. We live in completely different times but somehow we keep alluding to norms and values set in Victorian times.
We live in times where anybody (!!) can watch any kind of porn within 12 seconds after logging in online. The number of dick-pics, tit-pics, or clit-pics that are sent online is staggering. You can buy vibrators next to doggy-food in a drugstore. Women have never been freer in their sexual behaviors as now.
The way to stop the stupid behavior of harassing people - sexual or not – is not served by creating a gender-based Apartheid system. Separating people makes it only worse. We need to come closer and start talking about sex at work in an open manner. We need to start openly talking about power. We need to stand up and defend those who stand up against power, harassment, and oppression. We need to stand up in a very explicit way by describing exactly what went down.
He grabbed me by my breasts and forcefully tried to kiss me while pressing his knee against my clitoris. While we were eating he kept staring at my breasts while he spoiled the lasagna on his shirt. How does it help anybody to describe these two situations as transgressive behavior?
No progress can be made by generalizing situations. We need to open up and be specific. We need to forbid NDAs. Maybe we need to sacrifice privacy. But first and foremost, we need to eradicate any feeling of shame. The price of progress is never simple.
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UNBIASED PLATFORM
Building an unbiased platform in a biased world is difficult.
We hire an outside firm to handle harassments complaints.
They will do a periodic survey (obligatory) with explicit questions
Bosses cannot fire or hire people; they work with the teams they have.
We acknowledge that people spending lots of time together do not behave as programmable computers. Sex in any type or form will be a factor. We need to handle it better.
We seek men and women who can talk about the world as-is without shame.
We hire people who can stand up against any kind of oppression on the spot.
For a platform like ours is a critical success factor to create a safe place where people can be creative and collaborate to build progress. We believe it all starts with being more open and direct about harassment, bias, and power.
And I believe the picture of Rihanna is not a form of sexism; she is in total control of the shoot. And yes, I will be alone with Rihanna or anybody else in a room. Presuming that something hostile will occur is completely ludicrous. So Rihanna, call me.
